Monday, March 08, 2010

mixed feelings

I have mixed feelings whenever Gavin goes out of town for business. My first feeling is "I hate your guts for leaving me to care for your children, and how dare you go fly off in first class and eat at great restaurants while I watch another episode of Barney and have a panic attack while I try to figure out what to make for dinner."

But then I am happy that he has a job, so that I can go back to school and not work at the Dairy Queen right now- which is about all I am currently qualified to do.

I am wondering if my telling Shelby this afternoon that I was going to shove her food in to her mouth if she didn't eat it on her own, is going to be the root cause of an eating disorder later in life. Shit.

I am also wondering why kitten food is so flipping disgusting. I mean honestly, could they please make a food that doesn't make me wretch every time I open the can? I mean, it looks and smells like something that an animal yacked up, before it's even eaten.

Thank the lord that the cats are now getting along. We're down to one litter box, and one room that I can shut the door to, and trap them in at night. Garrett is hell-bent on eating the kitten. Our big cat has always been too fat and too skittish to let Garrett try any funny business. But this little one is just so trusting, and cute, and little and fits so perfectly in his little mitts. He just can't help himself. So now, I am always thinking, "Where's Garrett?...Where's the kitten?" And usually Garrett has her cornered, or is carrying her upside down, or is eating her food, or dumping her food on the floor. Oy.

I was thinking that the one pro of having Gavin go, is that I can let myself go. I mean, not that I am some beauty queen when he is around. Gosh, I need to give that area of my life a little more effort lately. But at least I make an effort. But with him gone, I can say Goodbye razor, hello hairy pits! I mean really, I think that I could almost have pit-dreads. Part of the reason is that I keep thinking that I am going to make an appointment to go get waxed. And in order to get waxed, your body hair has to be long enough. But then I wimp out, because hot wax on your pits is akin to having someone rip your teeth out. Really, I think that the pit-hair's root must be somewhere in your toes, because that is where I feel it as the hot strip is yanking my toe nails off my body.

So yes, by the time Gavin gets back I will be smooth. But then my friend told me about some goo that you spread on yourself and it does the same job as the waxing. And to that I say "Bologna". You know the old adage, "If it sounds too good to be true, it is." Yes, to a cream that you spread on yourself that removes all your body hair, I say it either gives you cancer or herpes or impregnates you. Cause there is no way that something that good can exist without having some crappy karmic side-effect.

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