Saturday, August 01, 2009

Not created equal

(him)"You don't like me!"

(me)"You're right, I don't like you...I LOVE you."

(him)"No, you hate me, and you love Shelby."

I knew this was coming. It was just a matter of time until he got wise to the fact that there could only be one favorite. I mean, get can not like everything the same. It's impossible. And he's right. There is a clear winner. Let's examine the contestants:

Garrett, weighing in at 25 pounds, and standing at right below my crotch (whatever height that is) wins points for being the most dependant. He also wins points for napping the most. But looses points for crying the most and having the most poop. He is the worst dancer of the group but he gets points for effort. He looses points for trying to eat or maul all animals. He also looses points for not being able to sit still for one second of his life.

Shelby weighs in at whatever a four and a half year old is supposed to..same with her height. She wins points for asking the most questions, and getting the most answers correct when we do "riddle time" in the car. She looses points for not wanting to brush her hair..ever, or wear what mom wants her to- like anything that matches. She wins points for being a super helper who often reminds Dalton when he's "having a crummy attitude". She wins points for being the nicest with animals, but looses points for not being super helpful when it comes to the chores associated with the pets. She loses points for not liking pasta, or cheese but wins points for liking black beans and avocados.

Dalton weighs in at too heavy for Mom to pick up anymore (sad) and stands at Mom's rib cage. He wins points for being the best older brother anyone could ever ask for. He is a great player, but loses points because of his follow-through with clean up (which he has been improving on). He wins points when it comes to good eating. (no cavities at the last check up) but loses points because of his sweet tooth (although this one might be genetic from me, so we'll call it a wash). He wins points for his kindness, which is evidenced from his social calendar, and the number of friends who love him. He looses points for the amount of time he spends on the DS/Wii, but wins points for his great dance moves, his awesome fashion sense, and his rip-sticking abilities.

Garrett is like a side of bacon. The satisfying aroma is heavy. There is just the right amount of fat. He is full of hearty flavor. He fills you up completely. Afterwards you are tired, and need a nap.

Shelby would be a Mimosa. With just the right amount of sparkling bubbles, she is intoxicating. The orange juice is perfectly sweet but it still has some tang to it. She is completely refreshing, and leaves you a teensy bit dizzy afterwards.

Dalton is a big plate of flap jacks. The perfect amount of sweet and satisfying. He is incredibly versatile and you can pair him with almost anything. He has a recipe that people always come back for. He is easy and light. He hits the spot. You could have him every day and never tire.

So, how do I compare the three? How do I choose a winner? I can't. The three together make for a perfect combination. Sorry flap jack, that's just the way it is. Don't be threatened by the Mimosa or bacon.

They are sides to your entree.


karen said...

dang! my bro gav really hit a homer with that birthday present--just the respite you'd need after a "relaxing" vacation at the beach. Sleep in and get a massage in memory of me. happy belated again.

Lindsey said...

this is great! i think you should make this into a children's book. get sketching...or have the kids illustrate it.