I think we are all more undone than we let on. But we have people counting on us so we can't completely come unglued. The coronavirus continues throughout the world and so we have purposefully shut down the economy, shut down the community, and gone in to an alternate state of living that most of us have never known. I start to breathe a bit heavy when I picture myself like Anne Frank because that is not ideal. Especially when there's no cute dude trapped inside the house to flirt with.
Also, I might have survivors guilt. Not for surviving the virus, as it really hasn't hit Utah yet, but for surviving in "style." That being said, I've had this type of guilt for my whole life, even when I was a pretty poor kid during my parents divorce and my dad's unemployment. Why should I have just about anything that others don't have? I would make a really good socialist...not that I am a communist...regardless of what my parents may suspect. Ha.
I just want everyone to have enough TP, and a Netflix subscription, and a second freezer, and baking ingredients, and all the other things that make coronavirus bearable. I want everyone to have three darling kids who are self sufficient, who you can laugh with and play board games with and who will empty the dishwasher and do their online homework without being asked. Because they are making this bearable. Hell, they are making it almost fun.
And I've got some weird feelings there. Because a worldwide pandemic is not supposed to be fun, right? You're not supposed to be happy that you can sleep in until 9 or 10 or noon if your heart desires. You are not supposed to be able to have brunch every day. You aren't supposed to be happy that there are no meetings, no homework, no expectations. But I am pretty happy about most of it. Maybe I'm not the extrovert I thought I was. Gasp.
My life is not what I thought it would be. But that is a train of thought for another day. So I guess the coronavirus has brought me back to blogging. I've been all over the map in terms of how my beliefs and thoughts and dreams line up. And today they have me on team let's all survive this worldwide bug and the Utah earthquakes and at the end of it let's either have Jesus taking over the reigns from Donald Trump (dare to dream) or let's all be stronger, and more grateful for the people in our lives. Ay Men.
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