Friday, September 30, 2011

pimped out

We had to get a rental car for a day while some things were fixed on our Saturn Outlook.  It was a sedan. An Chevy Impala.  And ooh la la, with my kids' reaction you would have thought that we'd brought home a Bentley.

Chevrole Impala 2009 Car Pics

Our kids have never known life in a sedan.  And so to them, it was pretty sweet.  Shelby begged me to keep this sleek ride.  "Look Mom, I can touch the ceiling while I am sitting!"  Dalton commented on how cool it was.  Oh, my poor children and their lack of knowledge of all things extravagant.  The other day we're in the market and I saw some organic cereal that had marshmallows in it.  I told Shelby we could get it and she about wet her pants right there.  Sugar cereal- it may as well have been her birthday.

That being said, we did stay up till 10 PM last night over at the new Sweet Tooth Fairy store, where they were having their Grand Opening, because my Sister is their new Manager.  Of course we had to buy one of every cupcake, just to see which one was the absolute best.  And I think that Shelby may have only eaten 100 grams of sugar at ten PM, two hours past her bedtime...but yay me for not giving in to sugar cereal...oh the double standards.

So, "cool" mid size sedan that my kids loved for a day.  Awesome breakfast cereal and cupcakes.  What else?  I have a paper due in two days that I have not started...gag.  Gavin is watching some sci-fi movie right now with Kings, and battles, and magic, and probably trolls and hot damsels in distress.  I told him that I now know how he feels when he has to watch Oprah.  It is painful.  But I can't show my total disdain in his movie preferences because I sit here and blog beside him while I am supposed to be writing my paper.  So I leave him alone with my judgements kept to myself while he does the same.  Works for both of us.

General Conference tomorrow.  Here are the revelations that I wish that we'd get.  

  1. Republicans are not always right so learn about stuff and start voting on issues.
  2. 5 Hour Energy has way more caffeine than coffee so that's going on the Word Of Wisdom no-no list.  Also on the hit list, Krispy Kreme donuts, and anything on an Applebees menu.
  3. A Jesus-portion glass of red wine (think the sacrament in Jesus's day...Last Supper, etc) is off the hit list.  
  4. Birth control is not just OK now it's a good thing.  And as Christians we should make it accessible for every woman that needs it around the world.  If 13 kids would give us a one way ticket to the loony bin, why would it be any different for women who are being raped in the Congo?
  5. Gay people rock.  They are nice, and stylish, and funny, and they make incredible parents.  We can be happy for them, and like them, and be OK with them having good stuff too, like being married.  We were wrong about the whole Prop 8 thing- whoops!
  6. People that go to other churches are your friends.  
  7. People who don't go to church are your friends.
  8. It's not OK for someone who has a ton of money to keep it all to himself.  That is what Satan would do.  Remember that whole Law of Consecration thing?....It's BACK!
  9. That Earth that I nice to it for heaven's sake.  Remember when I said that I could put it all back together when I came back to the Earth?  That was figurative.  I actually don't want to return if the place looks like a big crap hole.  Plus, it kind of ticks me off because I spent like FOREVER getting it just right.
  10. Just FYI, when I do come back, you are probably going to think that I am Brian David Mitchell.  Cause I will look kind of greasy and hairy and I'll be wearing something that is not really in style.  I'll have no money, and no place to go.  So, from the looks of it, you'll tell me to go curl up under a freeway bridge somewhere and stand in line at the Salvation Army's soup kitchen.  Look for me there.  Cause they definitely won't let me past your secretary at your office, or in to the conference center.
I went to the dentist the other day.  I think that opening up your mouth for the dentist and getting a dental inspection for the first time is akin to loosing your virginity to a pimp.  You don't really know what he's looking at, but you assume it's not very pretty, and it makes you nervous because you know he's done this a million times before and has been with the best of the best.  Sure, he's also probably been with someone who is slimy and stinky, but you're not sure where you stand in comparison.  You suddenly wish that you would have been flossing daily for the past year and you think that your breath might stink.  

I am in the chair looking up at him while he is poking around and making comments about my gums and teeth in code to his assistant, so I am not sure if I am passing this test or failing miserably.  Turns out I need a crown...hooray, not a root canal.  Although I have never had either, so I think that both are supposed to suck.  And I should look in to getting a gum graft...and I need a dental implant where some drunk dim wit pediatric dentist ripped a back molar out that he shouldn't have twenty years ago.  And I have an impacted wisdom tooth that would not have been a big deal ten years ago, but now it will suck because my bones are more dense, and the tooth is all tangled up and funky.

I remember my chorus teacher in the 7th grade...she couldn't taste.  I know...kill me now.  Said that it happened because her dentist jacked up her taste bud nerves when she had teeth pulled.  She always drank tons of carbonation because it was as close to taste as she could get- the sensation from the carbonation.  Do I remember that right?  Is that even medically possible?

All I know is that my teeth are going to cost a pretty penny.  That's OK.  With my sleek Impala, I will have the total pimped out package.

No comments: