It's SO tricky. But then my Doctor chastises me, and tells me No, it's really NOT. Which makes me feel stupid and also makes me think that maybe there is something evil about those immunizations, otherwise why would he be so defensive about it?! And then we get hit with the Swine Flu, and I temporarily swear that I will vaccinate my kids for any and every bug for the rest of their lives. Acne- yes. Bad breath- sign me up. PMS- done. There is no ailment that any of us should ever have to feel in this day and age, with modern medicine. We should just vaccinate against everything.
And then I hear some whisper about some kid who got Autism from vaccines...and you know how it's SUPER high with boys...which I just happen to have a baby form of right now, who just happens to be at that crazy immunization age where every month they are jabbing him with some new cocktail, and I walk out of the Pediatrician's office, crying harder than he is, wondering if I just signed his death slip or hand delivered him a hefty dose of Autism...and now I will never know what those moans and grunts he makes mean. And then later that day he seems to be OK, and I am pacified in to a state of ignorant bliss, until the next check up, when we start all over again.
So you see what a blasted, undecided mess I am?! I love that my kids don't have whooping cough. Two weeks of hacking with the Swine Flu gave me only the slightest hint at the pain and anguish that that childhood disease would have caused. Or Polio, or Scarlet Fever, or Measles, Mumps...or even Chicken Pox. Yes, I live in this really comfortable world where my kid gets a fever or an ear infection and I think that there is no one in the world who has a sicker child than I do.
I have friends on all sides of the spectrum. Scientists who swear by vaccines. Friends who swear that they are evil. I even have this friend, whose husband thinks that all the vaccines that we gave to Africa, gave the people there AIDS. I have friends who think that the mercury in the vaccines causes Autism. I feel squeamish about admitting that I think that those friends might be right.
Back in the olden days, you had a case of Smallpox, they just cut you open and spread someones Smallpox puss right in to your body. No preservatives..no Thimerosal. Now adays, it's obviously a lot cleaner, and a lot more sterile, but who does trust the big Pharmaceutical companies?...or the Government? I mean we are just genetically programed to grow up fearing those institutions, and generally distrusting any and everything that comes out of their mouths. So, when my Doc tells me that my friends are idiots for jumping on the Jenny McCarthy bandwagon, I kind of want to tell him to take a hike. But of course, I'll still let him shoot up my kid, and protect him from all of those gosh awful childhood killers.
And then it's so confusing, and maddening that I just stop thinking about all of it. And wish that I didn't have to make hard decisions. And really, I don't make these hard decisions. I just default. And feel guilty. And wish that I were passionate about one side or the other. But instead..I am wishy washy.
** I was just about to publish this, and then I Googled Jenny McCarthy/ Autism, and went to her site http://www.generationrescue.org/vaccines.html and now I am back on the big-pharma-can-not-be-trusted-band-wagon, and I want to protect my child.