Sunday, July 19, 2009

I make people nervous

You know what is funny?...that stuff I say I guess is scary.


I guess this because I don't get comments about what I say...I get emails.


I get emails from friends and strangers alike...


every time I post.


You tell me things, that I guess you are too scared to share in public- like how you like that I am honest, or you like that I am not afraid to say that my husband and I have sex (or don't), or that I do not make apologies for not being the perfect wife/mother/daughter/friend/etc..


So, thanks for your pats on the back...it does make me feel good to know that I am not the only one on the planet who feels the way I do...


but why not confess your feelings in public?


I don't know...I guess I understand where you are coming from- guilt by association...avoid even the appearance of evil, etc and etc.


But if so many of us feel this way, why should we be afraid?...our reputations?...oh yes, those spotlessly clean, meticulously manicured, glowing reputations...I forgot about those.


And who would we be without our reputations??

I mean, could I even be a good mother if I didn't have the reputation to back it up?



Could I be a loving wife if other people weren't talking about what a loving wife I was? I mean, if we were the last family on Earth, would there even be a point to being kind to each other??...because who would be there to witness it and bolster my reputation?
....

I have always written...I am a writer by nature. I have dozens and dozens of journals from my youngest days of childhood up to this point in my life- it's how I stay sane (or close to it).


My Grandmother (who is also a writer) called it "emotional vomiting"...so you get that it is not always pretty- But I have always written what was true to me. It does not mean that it is true for others...or comfortable...but it is MY truth. And that is what this blog is..
MY truth.


So, if a part of it makes you uncomfortable, then you can opt to not read it.


Really.


Just because you are a friend, or a family member...does not mean that you need to agree with me...or read about my life. And please don't assume. You know what that makes you and me.


Gavin just came in here and we had a brief conversation. He told me that I should lay off talking about sex because it makes people uncomfortable.


"Really?" I said, "Because we're married...so I think that it is pretty normal. I mean married people usually do have sex...don't they?"


He responded "Yeah, but what if my boss were to read this?"


"Yes, what if he were? Would he be completely shocked by the fact that you had sex with your wife? I would think he would be happy for you."


"Yes, but I do think that it makes some people feel uncomfortable."


"Like your Mother?"
"Yes."



I didn't say this...but I would think that she would be happy that her son was having sex, or "making love"...however you want to term it so it feels sacred and fluffy, instead of sweaty and gritty. I mean, she wants him to have a happy marriage...and sex is a big part of it.



But what do I know?



Maybe I will try to put a disclaimer at the top of my posts that warn people:


This post may include the following: boredom, fighting, yelling, nudity,
laughter, sex, fatigue, and language that includes words like "poop", "fart",
"vagina", "stupid-face" amongst others...be warned. This post is not
suitable for audiences under the age of 18, or maturity levels of the
same. It is also not appropriate for people who are uncomfortable with
reality. Reading of this blog may cause dry mouth, sweaty palms, laugh
lines, and muscle cramps. Read with caution.



Yes...I may do that...or not.



Regardless... I will continue to write...


that was never a question. But I will also continue to make this blog public even though it appears that I either offend, or no one reads this...because


A) I read the emails, and

B) This is me




...honestly.

4 comments:

Danielle Hatch said...

Hallelujah! Thank goodness for online honesty. Call it voyeuristic if you will, but I love that blogs provide a venue to look a little deeper into the lives of friends, family, etc. There is enough posturing in our day to day interactions with others, always wanting to look happy and put together regardless of what's really going on in our heads. And blogs which only serve as further posturing of an ideal life tend to make me want to gag. So with that said, I appreciate the sincerity of your thoughts on the day to day life of a writer, mother, wife, individual,etc.

Heather Telford said...

I love all your posts i sometimes cry and laugh at them. You are a great writer and i appreciate the honesty cause its nice to read something not "fake" like the majority of others blogs. It is nice to be able to relate to someone on motherhood and marriage, and just every day life.

Chip and Lisa said...

Well you don't make me nervous and I love to read your insight to life. You are gifted in the art of writing and making the everyday life interesting. In fact I think of you every time I do laundry as the words echo in my mind, "I hate laundry!!!" I guess I need to be better at saying hello but most of the time I just enjoy the giggle.

Anonymous said...

Just for the record...Ashley does not do the laundry..I do :)
Gavin