Wednesday, May 13, 2009

I wish that you could read my mind.
See what I feel at every moment of the day...
Then you would know that in between
the rules, and reprimands... the rushing and routines-
there was something constant.
A constant thought that lays dormant many a days... though I wish it were not so.
My love for overwhelming, aching, consuming love for you.
Feelings that I can see, I can hear, but often do not make it past the surface...
Sometimes I wish that you could read my mind so that you would always know.
You would never doubt. It would be so apparent how smitten I am, that you would be filled with the greatest sense of self that is possible. To see yourself through my eyes, you would have some inkling of the magnitude of your power, your heart, your goodness, your spirit. You would never doubt...
It just rests below the surface, always there... How I wish that you could see it.
It would ruin me to think that you didn't know.
How could you not know?!
But how could you know...if it is always below the surface?
Frightening to think of the power that I wield with my every word...or lack thereof.
Frightening to think of the lasting effects.
How I wish that you could read my mind. ..
That the ocean of adoration that I feel for you could swell and pour forth out of me, unceasing.
How I wish.
Why do I not let it pour forth?... Why do I withhold my water, when surrounded by tender seedlings, whose roots are so fragile and leaves are so tiny. Why do I not pour forth?? Can't I see their thirst? Haven't I tasted that same thirst myself...Always thirsty.
I wish that you could read my thoughts...
There would be moments that would cause you to laugh AT ME...or be ashamed OF ME...or see my weaknesses and wish that it was not so...But a small price to pay-
For your EVERYTHING....for the knowledge of the completeness that is you.
And then you would see that hiding under the every-day, the to-do-lists, the chores... there was something else... There was fun. There was laughter. There was a list a mile long of the ways that I wanted to amaze you and inspire you and be everything that you need...
You just can't see it.

And I forget that you can't.
And that is why I wish that you could read my mind...
my loves...
my little tender seedlings whom I adore.

No comments: