poser

What is the harm in being a "poser"? You know, posing for the photo, so you always look just right. I don't know...maybe it's not such a bad thing.

But when you pretend to be candid, even though it appears to be a pose, then it is a bad thing...in my mind. Why?...I don't know, it just bugs me. There are definitely worse things in the world to be guilty of, like owning a car that costs as much as a house, and consumes as much fuel as a small jet. Or allowing your daughter to wear anything with writing (in jewels) on her tush. Or, being involved with ANYTHING that involves getting people signed up under you in order to make money. Those are all much worse...But I have to admit that I have been guilty of "posing". I know the way to smile to make my teeth look like they are all the same length, and my gums look like they are not the size of a honey baked ham. I know the way to wear my hair, to make my face look less like Mr. Ed, and how you should look down a little when you smile, so your neck and head don't mesh in to one giant head-neck-mound-o-fat. How did I learn all these lifesaving poser tricks, you ask. I learned from many masters that I have had the great honor of studying under for most of my life. You see, my family is blessed with some of the greatest posers in the world...geniuses really. But, problem is...it gets old. I mean truly, sometimes you just want to wear your hair in a flippin ponytail and laugh with your flappy old gums hangin out, while you look up to the sky with your giant head-neck. A friend of mine from Boston, who now lives back in Israel, had moved to San Fransisco in between. He told me about how he had met some Mormons there. He said that they always sent Christmas cards with the most beautiful photos of themselves and their families. And then he said, "Yeah, I don't even recognize them." And that was the truth that hit home. WHO am I posing FOR...IF I am unrecognizable to the people who care about me? And don't my kids deserve to have many a fun, and memorable event without me coercing them in to posing for the camera for the ten-millionth time, cause "honey, your smile was weird in the last one, and mom needs to get one with ALL of you smiling at the same time...here, look here, one last time....I promise! One last time! OK, cheese, everybody! EVERYBODY CHEESE!!!" ...Yes, that was me in my poser-days. I wasn't just a poser...I made my kids pose too. How lame. And so, gone are the days of "candid-looking,-but-really-perfectly-posed-photos".

Here to stay: real-life-documented.