Tuesday, October 21, 2008

My Friend

Misty Young, with her red bandanna and permed hair, asked the question,

"Who here hasn't kissed yet?"
We were in the 5th grade...
(yikes, I know...so young!).

There we were,

in a circle,

every boy paired up with a girl.

We were all technically "going out"

all though most of us didn't have the faintest idea what that meant.

And so, under the sun, on the playground asphalt,

my first kiss was with
(lasting all of .0005 seconds)
He was taller than a lot of the kids, fun, and kind. He had "asked me out" in between class periods. He was coming in from the trailers (where the Spanish Immersion kids were banished) and I passed him as I went in to Social Studies.

"Ashley, do you want to go out with me?"

I was happy to say "Yes" although,

I had no idea what on earth it meant...

...And then Jr. High (an absolute blur)...

...and then High School.

I had a gift of not being able to keep a friend.

Had no social skills at all.

And so I would:

offend, steal a boyfriend,be catty, say something unkind, act jealous...

I burned through friends like a pack of firecrackers on the 4th.

Many days I would walk through the doors of the high school knowing that I was not liked.


that I deserved to not be liked.

Many days It was an awful feeling. Scanning the crowded school benches, hoping to see a kind face, when there often wasn't one.

I would either work my way to the outside of a group, hoping to exist on their periphery without them noticing.

Or I would just continue to my locker to linger lonely until classes started.

Those halls felt like they were twenty miles long. A sea of people, an ocean of groups, and me...

...floating amongst them all.

Once in a while I would spot my friend Hutch, and my heart would calm.
for a moment...I was safe. ...
I had A friend.
He still had a smile for me,
and made me feel like I belonged.

I am sure that he caught hell for it...from his friends...Nevertheless,


Around him, I felt whole, instead of fragmented and insecure.

I miss Hutch.

And indeed I was VERY blessed to call him my friend.

I will Never forget him...

Come on, my first kiss, HOW, could I forget HIM?
(I miss you Hutch...thanks for everything)


Olive said...

thats really sweet ashley. I know those feelings. (though not quite the exact same) just be glad your not in high school anymore. :)

Ashley said...

Can't even tell you how glad I am that I am no longer in High School! All I can say is that it does END eventually, and life does get MUCH better! Plus, it makes for good comedy later in life. So, just think of it that way, you are going to have a lot of good material!! Love ya!

karen said...

I had no idea you experienced such dramatic malfeasance in high school! Sometimes, though, when I'm with a bunch of women, I feel like I'm still IN HIGH SCHOOL what with all the petty drama that still exists among modern-day women. Sigh. What's with us?

Ashley said...

Shocking isn't it! (Har har). Yeah, had a few rough patches, especially my senior year, when a lot of my friends graduated. Learned some good lessons the hard way. Like- people like you to the degree you make them like themselves. That is one I still need to work on!

heather telford photography said...

I totally remember you coming home from school in high school and all us friends would just say how BEAUTIFUL YOU WERE!!! I guess if I knew you in high school i would be to scared to talk to you too cause your so cute!! :) It is really nice when you do have it least one genuine friend in your life!!