Monday, November 07, 2011


I have one hour of freedom.  One hour where all of my kids are being looked after by responsible adults.  One hour sitting on my couch, with a Pad Thai frozen entree that isn't nearly as disgusting as it sounds in my stomach, wondering what I should do.  Here are my options:

  • I could take a nap, since I didn't get to bed until after 1:00 AM and woke up at 6:30 AM.  
  • I could finish my mid-term for my statistics class, that sucks, that I need to do on the computer, that I have heard takes like five attempts to complete properly and hours of time.  Yeah, that one is motivating.
  • I could write my assignment for my Diversity class.  My amazing Professor allowed me to turn in a writing assignment late, and I didn't even have to fake a grandmother's death.  In fact, I didn't even ask her.  Side note here, today in class my Diversity Professor started having heart palpitations and had to lay down on the floor.  And all of us were freaking out.  Not externally.  But internally.  No way.  This would be like losing Steve Jobs (to me).  She has so much light and knowledge that I can't imagine the world without her.  She got up and taught the rest of the class, even though we could tell it was a struggle.  She must be in her late forties, early fifties.  Way too young to go. Anyways, it freaked me out.
  • I could return about 1,000 emails.
  • I could blog...figure out what all the buttons are for, and how to make it function the way that I want it to.
  • I could get my EXPIRED driver's license renewed...which I will now have to take a test for.
  • I could watch all of the Daily Show episodes that I have Tivo'd.
  • I could call my architect to tell him what I want to do to our house so that he can get the plans finished up already.
  • I could sit in a state of calm, let my food digest and just think about the meaning of life.
I don't know.  Gavin went to Boston for work today.  I hate it.  Some parts of it I don't hate, like getting to eat/watch/do whatever I want.  But really, I kind of do that anyways, so it's not worth it.  It's not worth not having another pair of hands to help with the kids.   Especially when they like him so dang much.  He left today in his cab, and Dalton and Garrett both looked like they'd just been kicked in the gut.  Garrett will cry for him tonight.  I'll end up letting him sleep in bed with me every night because it's easier.

Post edit**OK, I said this stuff below when I was tired and frustrated. Not a good combo. I forget that people, including my husband, sometimes stumble upon this blog. I was debating whether I should erase the post or explain why I sounded so ungrateful and bitchy. I decided to explain. I am very grateful for how hard my husband works and for the amazing father that he is. It's because he is so good that it's hard to have him gone. Anyways, I was an idiot and what I say below is because of sleep-deprivation and lack of confidence in my skills as that of a single parent when I am alone with the kids for the week.**

My stupid rant:
He is a liar, Gavin is.  He claims that he only travels a week (Mon-Fri) every month...but it's more than that.  There is always some lame-o sales meeting that he needs to help with, or some bull-crap team leadership retreat that he is obligated to go to.  So, I think that maybe it's not 5 days a month, but maybe more like 8-10.  I hate the traveling.  I hate that he brings home Trader Joe's in his suitcase to try to make it up to us.  I hate that he doesn't really inquire as to what went on while he was away.  I hate that he doesn't call to check in, sometimes for days in a row.  I hate that he acts like it's hard on him, when I know damned well that the difficulty of dealing with the kids on my own is a hell of a lot harder than flying business class by yourself and staying in a primo hotel by yourself.  

I know, I know, it's a flippin' job and for that I should be grateful.  It pays the bills, ya da ya da.  But I can moan and complain can't I?  To be honest, I just feel sorry for the kids, who miss him so much.  I feel a little sad for Gavin, who misses out on a fourth of life, just by being on the other side of the country.  But he is unaware, so I guess that what he doesn't know doesn't hurt him.  

OK, I am obviously feeling blue...grey...blah.  I need some vitamin D.

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