Sunday, July 10, 2011

Our date last night

Gavin had his fortieth birthday while we were on a trip in Arizona the end of June.  I had done a yard sale right before our trip where I had earned a couple hundred dollars.  I say "I" had earned, even though the junk that I was selling had been purchased by Gavin, because in his mind he would have rather taken it all to the dump or good will and have been done with it.  So, he said he was having nothing to do with the yard sale, and I could keep all the money.

It was a bit of a pain.  I ended up still having to take a big load of it to the shelter.  But, some money in my pocket is not a bad feeling for a few hours worth of work on a Saturday morning.  For Gavin's birthday I gave him a card where I told him that I would take him out to dinner and a movie for his birthday.

I know that that sounds pretty lame, but here's the problem: ANYTHING he wants he buys for himself.  And anything that I pick out for him he returns.  So, why even try anymore, is the question I ask myself.  He had thrown me a surprise party for my last birthday, but there was no way in the world I was doing that for him...hello nervous break down.  He liked the card, but probably thought I was full of it.

This would be just like the card he gave me that told me we were taking couples yoga together, or the card I gave him that had a coupon for crazy sex.  Yeah, this was just like those.  But nope, I made good on my promise.  I hired the sitter.  I got kind of sexy looking with my high heels instead of flip flops (gasp) and cleavage that was in plain view instead of hidden under some Old Navy shirt.

I was feeling pretty good about myself until I walk in to the front room (ta da) and Shelby goes, "Oh Mom, you're not wearing THAT are you?"  "Why, what's wrong?" I ask.  "You look like a boy in those pants!"  They were black skinny cargo pants with drawstrings at the bottom.  I was wearing them with heels and a tight shirt.  I thought that the outfit was kind of hip.  Apparently not to a six year old.  "I mean you're going out to dinner.  You don't want to wear THAT to a restaurant!"  The poor sitter felt like she had to come to my rescue, "I think that she looks really nice."  "Thanks Shelby" I said, "Do you want me to go put on a poofy flower skirt?"  She did, but she wouldn't admit it.  I told the sitter to get Shelby and Garrett to bed at 8:30.  Dalton could stay up later and watch a movie.  We had already fed them, Garrett was being entertained by an Itouch, so we snuck out.

Gavin looked good.  I can always tell that he is looking to me for approval of his choice of outfits.  He did look really good, minus the fact that his sleeves were like tourniquets on his upper arms because he'd rolled them up so tightly.  I had made us reservations at the Copper Onion.  We had been told by our friends that this was a great place.  We had been told by my parents that they did not like it.  Since my parents favorite place to eat is a tie between Applebees and the Olive Garden, we figured that we'd take the advice of our friends and give it a try.

It was great...that reminds me, I need to review it on urbanspoon...Ok I am back.  So, we went to downtown, talking about how we wish that the trax went from our neighborhood to downtown, so we would not have to drive and park, and then we found the restaurant.  It is tucked in to the side of the Broadway theatre on Broadway.  The atmosphere is very hip with an open kitchen and a communal table.  We didn't do the shared table, but decided to do it next time or sit at the bar and watch the chefs cook.

We sat at a cute little table by the window.  Our waiter was British, although I thought he might be faking it.  Gavin asked how that was even possible.  I told him that girls liked that accent and it probably landed him more tips.  But who am I to judge?  We probably sound like we are from hillbilly lane.  He was cute, which was nice, and he had fantastic recommendations.  We took his advice on everything and loved it all.

We started with the wild mushrooms.  They were sauteed in olive oil with herbs and small potato straws.  They add a fried egg on the top.  We sopped it all up with crusty bread- yum.  The tomato and avocado salad was made with tomatoes from the chef's garden.  They were fantastic, served with thinly sliced radishes and greens, and drizzled with a light dressing.  The drinks he recommended paired perfectly with the dishes.

The entrees we ordered were the pork ragu and the halibut.  Gavin's pork ragu was made with penne pasta, ground local organic pork sausage, a tomato sauce with creme fraiche and herbs.  He ordered spicy red pepper flakes on the side to kick it up a notch.  My halibut was lightly grilled on a bed of yummy fava beans, gnocchi type pastas and a spicy red sauce.  It was lovely.  Again, another drink that went perfectly with it.

For desert we had these fried apple empanadas with carmel sauce and vanilla ice cream.  To be honest they were similar in taste to the McDonald's ones, which was fine with me because sadly I love those things.  Gavin got Bourbon pecan ice cream that was good too, although he felt a bit too salty.  Solution- add it to the caramel and apple empanadas, and it worked perfectly.

During dinner we had talked about a person we know who had left his wife to try to get younger ass and wasn't having as much success as he'd hoped.  Then we talked about this New York Times article that Gavin had forwarded to me, about infidelity in marriage, written by the founder of the "It Gets Better" movement which is so powerful.  The It Gets Better movement is to let teens know that it does get better, especially when they are dealing with being gay.  Gay or straight, it would have been nice to know that life was only going to get easier after high school.

In his article, the author talks about how anything should be on the table sexually in a marriage, and if the spouse isn't willing to do it, then that spouse should agree to let someone else do it for them.  Obviously this was written on behalf of men, who want a lot of sex, and get bored without variation.  The article did say that both spouses need to agree, and they can have some things off limits.  His idea was that if men can be honest about what they want, they won't go looking for it outside of the relationship (ie: Arnold, Weiner, Newt, etc).

I get the idea, and I think that it makes sense.  I think that partners should be able to be honest with one another.  What I think can be a slippery slope is when people who are getting fulfilled outside of marriage fall in love with the person who is fulfilling them.  It makes sense...especially for men.  Sex is so tied to love for them, that if the woman was toothless and morbidly obese but fulfilled them sexually they could easily fall in love with her.  It's why many men's mistresses are not more physically attractive than the wives that they were married to.

That is what freaked me out.  I might be willing to let my spouse be satisfied by someone else if I am not up for it, as long as it wasn't intercourse or other intimate acts, but what if that fulfillment leads to love?  And a man sure as heck can fall in love with more that one person at a time.  Look at polygamy- look at Brigham Young.  Look at the Bachelor.  I mean, the heart is not territorial.  Look at how I can be in love with each of my kids at the exact same time.

Gavin said that I was lucky because he was too lazy to even want to have a "hall pass".  I said that women were pretty safe because for them most of it was not the physical part of sex but the emotional part.  I think that is why a lot of women have emotional affairs.  Gavin would probably be happy to give me a hall pass in that area.   Sex is tricky, but I guess it shouldn't be.  People feel comfortable expressing their desires in every other area of life- what they want to eat, where they want to vacation, what they want to watch on TV.  Why shouldn't it be the same when it comes to sex?  When our meal was over, Gavin went to pay, but I objected and pulled out my wad of cash.  Boy, a good meal does get expensive.  I think that he was pretty shocked that I actually followed through and paid.  He said that if he would have known I was for real he would have ordered way more. :)

Then we went home.  It was almost 10 PM, and NONE of the kids were asleep.  I was so shocked that I didn't even know what to say.  The sitter offered no explanation of why every kid was parked on the couch watched TV an hour and a half after they were supposed to be asleep.  Had she tried and they fought it?  Was her watch broken?  I was happy that they were happy, so we paid her (I PAID HER, with my money), and didn't ask any questions.  It is nice that Garrett has gotten to an age where he is comfortable being left with sitters.

After the kids went to bed, Gavin and I watched a tivo'd episode of Game of Thrones (or whatever it is called) on HBO.  That thing is so male-oriented, it is laughable.  Let's see, how can we get every man excited about a show?:  We'll set it in the middle ages.  Have it be about battles, and kings, and alliances, and hot women who will sleep with their brothers if the chemistry is good enough.  We'll make the men all look like they are retired major league baseball players- overly ripped to the point it looks weird.  We'll make the women way hotter than they ever would have been during that era- with straight white teeth, shiny long hair, and super perky boobs even though they've had three kids.  I thought, this is how Gavin must feel when he has been forced to watch Oprah.

It was a good birthday for Gavin.

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