Today Gavin walks in to the kitchen for his lunch break and sees me sitting (unapologetically) at the kitchen table, eating out of the ice cream container.
Now to be fair (to me) this is one of those little Ben and Jerry's containers, with only four servings per container. And I know how much ice cream I can eat out of said container, for it to equal 1/4 of the container (or pretty darn close). So, just as I was about to finish up my 1/4 of the container, he spied me. "Ash, do you really want to get ready for Mexico?" He says this because A) we are going to Mexico in three weeks (yeah!) and B) I have told him that I need to work out these next three weeks to be swim suit ready. Now the idea of getting "swimsuit ready" in three weeks is laughable. It's not that I need to shed 100 pounds, but looking like something other than the female-version of "Mr. Burns", from the Simpson's, would be nice.
So I say "Yes, I want to get ready for Mexico."
And he says, "Well you can help me by reminding me not to eat cheese at night (his comfort food), and I will help you."
"What do I need help with?" I ask.
Now, I know that this appears to be a loaded question, but it wasn't. I sincerely wanted his opinion.
He looked at me like a deer, caught in the headlights, I am sure thinking, dear God, what have I gotten myself in to??!!
"I'm being honest," I say, "we don't own a full length mirror and I could be obese for all I know. So, what should I be working on?"
"Well, your not obese." (thanks sweetie. that makes me feel great)
"Well, then what should I be working on? Do I need to loose 5 or 10 pounds? Do I just need muscle?"
"Yeah, I think that muscle would be good". And then as fast as lightening, he was back to his office, I am sure breathing a sigh of relief that that conversation hadn't deteriorated in to what could have been a gory mess.
So, maybe I should have been a little offended. But I am not. I haven't taken great care of my body for a while. I mean, I'm not out shooting meth or anything, I just have been eating what I want, when I want and paying for it with low energy. I would justify that with "I'm pregnant" or "I'm nursing" or "I'm just going to be pregnant again" but now I don't have those excuses to fall back on. My body is not housing or feeding another soul, nor will it ever again. It belongs to me. And I am empowered by that. NO MORE EXCUSES. I don't want to be thin. I don't want to be a size so-and-so. I want to be healthy. I want to be able to hike and not be winded, run and not faint (isn't there some scripture along those lines) and so I begin...reuniting with my body.